


flower crown of poppy

by honeybakedtea



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining, sylvain bein stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 16:17:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20392558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybakedtea/pseuds/honeybakedtea
Summary: “Why the fuck,” Felix spits, storming over and probably leaving indents in the floor in his wake, “did you think that that was a good idea? I know you have the mental capabilities of a goldfish, but this is taking it too far. You moron! Can’t you even do a single thing right?”Nooooo Felix, don’t kill me, you’re so sexy ahahaha,Sylvain laughs hysterically in his head, repeating a phrase that he’d heard Claude say before as Felix seethes in front of him. It’s only when Felix’s face contorts into something more similar to a serial killer than anything remotely resembling a happy student that Sylvain realises, with a sinking heart, that he said that all out loud.Ah, fuck.Or, the fake dating sylvix AU, where no one actually believes that the relationship is fake.





	flower crown of poppy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moonbounded](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbounded/gifts).

> [slaps my fic titles] these bad boys can hold SO many silent hill ost names for some strange reason
> 
> this fic is for my palliest palsicle [yitamin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yitamin)!! HAPPY DAY OF BIRTH MY ANGEL!!! IM SUCH A GOOD FRIEND THAT I DEFINITELY DIDN'T FORGET THE DATE AT ALL AND I DEFINITELY DIDN'T WRITE THIS ALL IN AN HOUR, NO SIREE. also i dont even know if you like sylvelix that much but hey, considering that i yelled at you until you get their a+ support, imma uhh take a wild guess
> 
> @ everyone: please may i present to you some sylvelix Fake Dating AU. complete with sylvain being dumb of ass. i hope you enjoy!! <3

When the door bursts open, hitting the opposite wall with a resounding crash and probably leaving a crack in there for good measure, Sylvain isn’t at all surprised to find Felix storming into his room like a hurricane incarnate.

This, in itself, is not an uncommon sight. Felix seems to _ love _ storming into his room, seething about training or weapon maintenance or whatever else (or mostly, about how Sylvain never bothers to do either of those). So, really, Sylvain’s completely used to his friend’s violent entrances, so he lifts his hand in a lazy wave and doesn’t bother greeting him properly.

When Felix grabs his collar, hauling him from the bed with a snarl of rage, Sylvain gives a (not nervous at all!) chuckle. This isn’t an uncommon sight, either, because Felix _ loves _ grabbing people’s collars. Not only is he kinda too small to fume at him from his normal height (he’d never tell him that, though, because he doesn’t want a broken foot, thank you very much) but he also tends to get pissed off pretty easily. Hence, the homicidal expression currently gracing his face.

Sylvain really, _ really _ doesn’t like that said homicidal expression is directed his way right now. Usually, when it is, things never end well for him. _ Ever. _

Also, he has a faint idea, complete with a looming sense of dread, that he knows _ exactly _ why Felix is regarding him with the look one might use on a pile of maggots. And the looming sense of dread? Isn’t shrinking any time soon.

Actually, the longer Felix grips his collar, eyes narrowed to slits so that they remind him of a pissed-off panther, the more dread he feels. 

So, Sylvain does what he does best, and starts deflecting like all hell.

“Felix! My old buddy, old pal,” he winks, while Felix scowls at him like that barmaid who’d kicked him out of her premises the other day had. (Hey, he didn’t _ mean _to insinuate that she was fat. He was only trying to compliment her curves, really!) “D’you need anything?”

His old pal’s grip tightens. Painfully. “Why,” Felix hisses, and the venom dripping from his tone may as well be tangible, “does half the student body seem to think we’re a couple?”

Ah.

So. He’d heard.

This… wasn’t how Sylvain had wanted Felix to find out about his current predicament. Actually, Sylvain had really, _ really _hoped that Felix would suddenly develop some acute form of hearing loss for the next week or so, but alas.

“I’m waiting,” Felix says, tone as icy as Gautier’s frostiest winters. He still hasn’t let go of Sylvain’s collar, although he _ has _ let the lancer down, at least, so now they’re in a weird sort of position on the bed where Felix is hovering darkly over a sweaty Sylvain. That’s an image that would definitely only add fuel to the rumours, if anyone were to peek into his room right now.

The rumours which were... kinda all his fault.

“I can explain!” Sylvain yelps, as Felix’s eyes narrow even further. “It’s - well. You see…”

Any excuse he has dies on his lips way before they ever reach his non-existent brain-to-mouth filter, because they’re _ all _ half-assed, even for Sylvain.

Okay. Maybe - maybe he _ can’t _ explain. Maybe he really _ is _ screwed, doomed to an agonising end at the hands of Felix Hugo Fraldarius, who honestly looks like he’ll relish at finally being able to throttle him with his bare hands. Considering his track record, Sylvain is 99% positive that Felix has been itching to do this for years, now.

Things are really not looking up for him, especially when Felix’s fingers dig into his collarbones, and he whispers, “Give me _ one _reason why I shouldn’t gut you, right now,” in that sinister, dangerous, famous Felix tone which sends even the cockiest of bandits running for the hills.

Well. Here goes. 

Sylvain sends a prayer to the goddess - a rare occurrence, so this is a special moment for sure - and opens his mouth.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When he finds himself outside Felix’s door, many minutes later, begging for mercy, he thinks to himself that maybe, _ just _ maybe, that saying _ “Nooooo Felix, don’t kill me, you’re so sexy, ahahaha - ” _ wasn’t the best way to deal with things.

  
  
  
  


To explain his horrible situation, it’s probably best to start from the beginning.

Sylvain had been out in town earlier, with a girl on his arm. This would’ve been a perfectly normal evening for him, if it wasn’t for how the girl was clinging so tightly onto his bicep that her nails were leaving crescent moon indents through his uniform, and how she was animatedly discussing the seating plan for their wedding whilst picking out baby names at the same time.

Somehow, she was of the mind that they were already a thing, even though this time, Sylvain hadn’t even gotten to use one of his lines on her. 

Not a _ single _ line. 

He’d showed up at the tavern, told the barmaid his name, and suddenly, the girl had already showed up at his table, fake smile stretching across her face so widely that he was kinda worried that it would split her jaw in two.

_ Typical, _ he had wanted to scoff, but honestly, even _ he _ had to admit that she was probably the most forward person he had ever conversed with. And this was _ him. _

Sylvain didn’t usually panic when a girl dropped these kind of hints. Usually, they’d start by inquiring about his father, or his Relic. Then, they’d move swiftly into deeper waters - maybe his hobbies, or his studies - before finally moving in for the kill by asking about the land and the title, with a too-sweet giggle and a flutter of the lashes. 

He always expected it; he was a nobleman with a Crest, after all, and everyone wanted him, even if it was never for the right reasons.

When a girl resembled a leech more than a person, though… that was good enough reason to panic.

“Ooh, we’re getting so close to Garreg Mach! I’ve never been there… but I reeeeally want to go. It’s _ soooo _ dreamy…” the girl had sighed, before fluttering her lashes at him in a sad imitation of… whatever she was trying to imitate. The way she drew out every other syllable made Sylvain want to cry. 

Then, she had whirled around, eyes glinting like a serpent’s, and grabbed his hands. “Pleeeease, Sylvie-pie, you _ have _ to take me!”

_ Oh, _ hell, _ no, _ had been his first thought. There was no way - _ no way _ \- anyone was going to hear him be called ‘Sylvie-pie’. Sure, he liked taking girls back to his room, but even _ he _ had his limits.

So, he did what he did best, and tried deflecting like all hell.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he had smiled, before going for the kill. “I’ve already got plans tonight.”

There. Now she would get angry, scream, and probably dump him -

“Aww, that’s alright. What about tomorrow, then? You’re free tomorrow, right?”

\- or not.

“I’ve got plans tomorrow, too,” Sylvain had tried, frantically looking around for an escape route. Or escape person. Ingrid would be very, _ very _ useful right now - and of _ course _ , she wasn’t even _ here - _

“Really? Tomorrow?” the girl had pouted. Sylvain had thought he was free, until the sickeningly sweet smile returned with force of gushing syrup, and she had held out her hand expectantly. “Let me see your schedule! Maybe you’ll just have to compromise… surely you’ve got _ some _ evenings off, right? We _ have _ to spend time together, you know! Communication is key to a long-lasting relationship.”

What _ relationship?! _ he had thought, gritting his teeth. Goddess, she was _ infuriating. _ Even _ he _ wasn’t this pushy, and that was saying something.

Sylvain had raked a hand through his hair, and tried one more time. “Listen, I really can’t. I told you already, I’ve got commitments -”

“_ I’m _ a commitment! If we don’t spend any time together, then -”

“I’m dating someone!”

Present-Sylvain now realises that the outburst had come out far louder than he had intended, and he can imagine how many students had seen their little argument. No wonder the rumours had spread as far as they did.

"Of course! You're dating _ me!" _ the girl had snapped impatiently. She tugs on Sylvain's arm. "Now, as I was saying-"

"No, _ you _ don't get it," Sylvain had enunciated, desperate. He remembers managing to pry off the girl’s iron grip only when he used both hands. “I’m dating someone _ else.” _

The girl had stared at him for what felt like forever. If Sylvain had been a proper writer, like Bernadetta, he would probably have described time stopping like a frozen waterfall or something, but really, all he can remember from that one specific moment was the feeling of _ ah, shit. Maybe this isn’t the best idea. _

“You - you_ jerk!” _

Well, at least the fallout had still been the one constant in his life.

After the girl had stomped away and left him with a stinging red imprint on his left cheek, Sylvain had time only to breathe a sigh of relief before he was being approached, _ again. _

“Woah, Sylvain! You sure got yourself into a bit of a mess, didn’t you?”

Hilda was the one speaking to him, as peppy as always, even though he had just been violently dumped. He had hated to admit it, but he was kinda embarrassed by the whole thing, especially since he _ swore _ that the slap had reverberated across the town. 

_ So lame… _

Still, Sylvain was just glad the girl was _ finally _ gone, so he had allowed himself to relax a bit in Hilda’s presence.

He had been wrong. So, utterly wrong. One does not simply _ relax _in Hilda’s presence.

“Yeah,” he had answered, smiling sheepishly. “It’s all taken care of now, though. No need to worry yourself.”

“Oh, no, I wasn’t _ worried,” _ Hilda had smiled, stressing the last word in the way she liked doing. She clapped her hands together. “I’m just so curious… who _ are _ you dating, then? It’s not like you to talk about other partners so soon! Usually you wait a bit, don’t you?”

_Uh oh,_ Sylvain had thought, wanting to throttle his past self. _I’m an idiot. I’m _such _an idiot_ _-_

“Ah. Well. You see…”

He had trailed off. Hilda had been staring at him expectantly. She smiled in encouragement. 

“It’s a bit of a long story…”

“Oh, I don’t mind waiting! I love stories like these… Ooh, is it a romantic one? Have you finally been swept off your feet?”

“... Well, yeah, I guess you could say that…”

“Oh, _ Sylvain! _ Really?”

Sylvain had opened his mouth, and began to spin the most ridiculous tale he’d ever spun in his entire life.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“... so yeah, that’s about the gist of it! … Please don’t kill me.”

Back in the present, Felix has thankfully stopped trying to strangle him for the time being. Instead, he’s sitting in a chair, mouth pressed into a thin line and arms wrapped so tightly across his chest that Sylvain is reminded strikingly of a viper. A viper that still really, _ really _ wants to tear his throat out.

Or maybe a python would be a better analogy, since Felix probably wants to kill him in the most painful way possible. Yeah, being crushed by python-Felix would be _ such _ a terrible way to go, Sylvain thinks woefully, especially since he hasn’t even properly said hello to the flower girl yet - 

“So, to repeat what you’ve just told me,” Felix intones coldly, in a way that suggests he really does _ not _ want to repeat what Sylvain just told him, “you were trying to shake off another one of your flings.”

“Yep.” He pops the ‘p’, before sitting up. “Wait, she wasn’t even one of my flings, since she basically announced that we were dating without me even having a say - “

Felix holds up a hand. Sylvain wisely shuts up.

“You couldn’t shake her off, which is strange, considering that your face is abhorrent enough to deter even the most pathetic of suitors-”

“Hey, rude. I am _ so _good-looking-”

Felix levels him with a glare. Sylvain wisely shuts up again.

“Finally, in some desperate act of idiocy, you tell her you’re dating _ me.” _

Silence. And then: “Yeah, that’s pretty much spot on.” He pauses. “...You did forget the part where I told Hilda some made up story about how I’ve been in love with you for my entire life, though.”

Hey, if he’s going to die tonight, he may as well go out with a bang, right?

Felix stares at him. Then, he rises from his chair, and Sylvain immediately balks. _ Okay, nope nope nope, maybe I _ don’t _ want to go out with a bang, _ he thinks wildly, as he holds up a hand placatingly and plasters on his kicked-puppy look. Oh, fuck, Felix is actually _ vibrating _ with anger, and his hand is brushing alarmingly close to the sword strapped at his side. _ Abort, abort, abort - _

“Why the fuck,” Felix spits, storming over and probably leaving indents in the floor in his wake, “did you think that that was a good idea? I know you have the mental capabilities of a goldfish, but this is taking it too far. You moron! Can’t you even do a single thing right?”

_ Nooooo Felix, don’t kill me, you’re so sexy ahahaha, _Sylvain laughs hysterically in his head, repeating a phrase that he’d heard Claude say before as Felix seethes in front of him. It’s only when Felix’s face contorts into something more similar to a serial killer than anything remotely resembling a happy student that Sylvain realises, with a sinking heart, that he said that all out loud.

Ah, fuck.

_ “Why are you so-” _

“I panicked, okay?!” Sylvain interrupts, throwing up his hands. “What was I _ supposed _to say?”

“Oh, let me think - anything else?” Felix fumes. His hands bunch into trembling fists. “Why did you drag _ me _into your stupidity, you half-wit?”

“It’s not even that bad, Felix,” Sylvain soothes, then winces as Felix turns to leave. 

"I'm done here. Clean up your messes by yourself." 

Felix is half a step away from the door before Sylvain catches his sleeve. He moves to shake it off, scowling, but Sylvain clings to the fabric like a drowning man clutching at straws. Which he basically is, right now.

“Wait, hear me out!” Sylvain pleads. “All we have to do is pretend we’re a thing for a couple of weeks, and then have a big dramatic breakup at the end to call it off. It’ll be so easy!” 

Felix stares at him. “How am I supposed to pretend to be in love with you, you imbecile,” he says, slowly, “when I’m struggling to think of reasons as to why I even _ like _ you right now?”

Ouch. That hurt. “Please, Felix,” Sylvain begs. “Do it for my reputa - for me.” A beat passes. “How am I supposed to pull any more chicks after this when word gets out that I can’t even treat my friends right?”

“Typical,” Felix scoffs, a flicker of _ something _passing over his face. Sylvain can’t quite place it, though. “Once again, you never stop to consider how your actions hurt others.” Before Sylvain can ponder what he really means, Felix presses on. “If you want others to think you care for your friends, then why do you even want to stage a dramatic breakup? Surely even an idiot like you can see how that would damage your precious reputation.”

Oh, thank the Goddess, he’s talking in hypotheticals now. _ Baby steps, _ Sylvain cheers internally. “I thought I should give you the chance to really beat the shit out of me, since I’m causing you so much trouble,” Sylvain says brightly. He takes Felix’s hand. It’s surprisingly soft, like the marshmallows their professor likes to chomp on when he thinks no one is looking. “Think about it, Felix. We’re in the Dining Hall…. Finally, _ finally, _ you’re punching the lights out of me for all the pain I’ve caused you… I’d be _ so _ humiliated…”

Felix adopts a considering look, and Sylvain feels his hopes rise. “Tempting,” Felix says, before snorting decisively, “but no.”

As Felix strides out of the room without even a backwards glance, Sylvain physically feels his heart shatter. In his mind’s eye, he can visualise with utter clarity the looks of disgust he’d get from everyone if word got out that he’d left Felix - his childhood, and most precious, friend - after a whole gaggle had watched as he’d spun some lovestick story about how smitten he was with him earlier in town. 

How could he face them? After Hilda had spread the news, fake as it was, all across the monastery? After those hot girls had actually come up to _ congratulate _ him with genuine smiles before he’d headed up to his room?

No. No, he couldn’t let it end like this. His whole life would be _ ruined _ if Felix left - 

Sylvain sprints after him.

“Felix, wait!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Felix isn’t answering Sylvain’s insistent knocks, and at this point, Sylvain is desperate enough to wake up Ashe and beg him to pick the lock.

He has a feeling that the other boy won’t do it, though, out of respect for Felix’s privacy, so instead, Sylvain starts doing what he’s second best at, and that is _ wheedling. _

He wheedles like he’s never wheedled before.

“Felix, my darling!” he calls through the keyhole, wincing as the cover slams forcibly shut on the other side. Oops? “The love of my life, my sun and stars, he who makes me feel whole again. Come on, baby, don’t be like this. Please, you gotta do this for me. No one else will!”

He’s getting a couple of stares from the other dorm occupants, but Sylvain largely ignores them in favour of pressing his ear against the oak door. No response. Maybe the door is too thick…?

He sighs, tension writhing in his gut like a pair of mating snakes, and tries again.

“Felix, please. I’m begging you. I’m literally on my knees right now.” No, he’s not, but whatever. He’d gladly get on his knees if only he heard Felix opening the door. “Don’t you want to see my on my knees? Hm? You can, if you open the door!”

No response. Not even a sound.

“Feeeeelix.” He drags out the first syllable with a pout, and clears his throat. “Felix, my one-winged angel. My hero of legend.” Oh, shit, Felix doesn’t like tales of chivalry, does he? Well, the hero’s a good swordsman, so maybe this can be an exception, or something. “Your navy hair is so beautiful, it’s - it’s like paint. I want to paint my walls with the colour of your hair, so I can always be thinking of you before I go to sleep. You’ll forever haunt my dreams.” Okay, so maybe he isn’t the best at coming up with adjectives on the spot, but that’s not his fault. His good looks had to come with a compromise, after all. “You make my heart beat faster than Ingrid when she sees chocolate pudding. Your lips are as fat - no wait, plump - as - fat bees, or something. Fat bees, full of pollen. Your eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad - ”

The door whips open, and finally, _ finally, _ he’s staring at Felix’s rageful face again. “My eyes aren’t even _ green, _ asshole,” he hisses, and Sylvain grins. _ Bingo. _

“Sorry, must’ve slipped my mind,” he whistles. Felix scowls, and moves to slam the door in Sylvain’s face, but Sylvain quickly wedges his foot between the door and the wall. “Wait, Felix! Hear me out.”

“There’s nothing to hear,” Felix snaps, before stomping on his feet. Ouch. Sylvain swears he hears a toe crack. Ah, well. All’s fair in love and war, or something like that.

“If you agree on our plan - ” Felix opens his mouth incredulously at the word ‘our’, but Sylvain silences him with a finger to the lips. It makes him go cross-eyed. “- then I promise to buy you all the equipment you need for training for two months. It’ll all be on me.”

Felix regards him with a cool gaze. Surreptitiously, Sylvain crosses his fingers behind his back. He double crosses them, for extra luck.

“...No.”

Felix starts trying to shut the door again, but Sylvain resists.

“Four months,” Sylvain pleads. Felix shakes his head again, but Sylvain presses. “Please, Felix. For _ me.” _

He waits with bated breath. Felix doesn’t say anything, and just regards him with that same cool look. His jaw twitches, ever so slightly. Sylvain doesn’t dare to breathe.

Finally:

“Six months.”

“Deal,” Sylvain hurries, and then breathes a sigh of relief. “Wow, I was getting a bit worried there. Thanks a lot, Felix, you really saved my hide.”

“Great,” Felix grumbles. “Just remember: I said six months.”

“Yep, I heard you, loud and clear. Anything you want to buy, for six months. I’ve got it covered.”

“Fantastic. Now get out of my room, you oaf.”

Sylvain laughs, and it’s a giddy sound. He’s surprised he’s feeling so elated, and honestly a little amused, since none of the girls he ever went out with made him feel like _ this. _ Funny, huh? “Hey, wait, we should probably go over my cover story, so our alibis are safe and all.”

“I’m beginning to regret this already.” Felix rolls his eyes. He jerks a thumb in the direction of his room. “Fine. Get in, then. But make it quick, I’m tired.”

“Got it!”

As Sylvain flops down on Felix’s bed and begins to recount the tale he’d spun to Hilda, he can’t help but feel a surge of affection towards his friend. Who knew Felix had it in him to be so accommodating? Certainly not Sylvain, because he knows that he had been a centimetre away from giving up and turning to Dimitri in despair (and wouldn’t _ that _be a sight to behold. Faking a relationship with the prince of Faerghus and all… his old man would probably skewer him on the spot).

Still, though. As he departs Felix’s room with a friendly wave, getting the middle finger in return, Sylvain can’t help but smile widely. He’s pretty lucky to have such good friends, even if they seem exasperated with him 99% of the time.

All that’s left to do now is to put on a new act for a month or two, before offering himself up as the punching bag Felix rightly deserves for all this trouble. And Sylvain, though he might possibly be not so great at other things, is absolutely _ fantastic _ at putting on an act.

Strangely enough, as he gets into bed, he finds himself looking forward to the next couple of weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> sylvain: felix….. you set my loins on fire……  
felix: that’s surprising, considering that there isn’t much there to begin with.  
sylvain:  
SYLVAIN:
> 
> \----------
> 
> sylvain: i know it must be hard for you to pretend you’re in love with me for a couple of months, but please try your best? for me?  
sylvain: [puppy dog face]  
felix, who has been pining for years: Am I A Joke To You.
> 
> \----------
> 
> sylvain: felix..... i'm sure you want to see me on my knees.....  
dimitri, trying to sleep in the next room: [sighs]  
dimitri: [drags blanket down to ingrid's room]  
dimitri: blease let me in.
> 
> \----------
> 
> comments are most appreciated! i'm @bae-leth on tumblr, come give me a holla :') let me know if i made sylvain the dumbass he is truly meant to be.


End file.
